Archive for the 'Resources for Parents' Category

Published on Psychology Today (http://my.psychologytoday.com) Created Dec 2 2011 – 7:04am

By Steve Baskin

When I started my career as a camp director in 1993, my mother (the “Silver Fox”) shared the following thought with me: “summer camp is like college, but just a little bit early”.

Being a strong believer in my mother’s wisdom, I found myself thinking about this statement fairly often. Summer camp had been a huge part of my personal development as a young man, and had even found its way into my college and graduate school applications. Yet the idea that “camp was like college” did not seem to make sense to me at the time.

Over the past 16 years, I have found that this idea is actually a profound one.

Three years ago, we were talking with a friend whose daughter was in her first year at college. Both mother and daughter had struggled mightily with the separation. “During the first semester, we would talk everyday, sometimes 5 or 6 times. She was so sad and uncomfortable away from home. It really affected her grades and social life. She is better in her second semester, and she only calls once or twice a day. I still worry about her though.”

This conversation reminded me of a speech I heard by Dr Wendy Mogel a few years ago. Dr Mogel is a nationally-known clinical psychologist and educator who wrote the best-seller parenting book “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee”. She shared a story about a good friend of hers whose daughter was a freshman at college at Sarah Lawrence.

Unlike my friend, this woman’s daughter thrived in her first semester in college. She earned exceptional marks (making the Dean’s List) and she became president of the freshman class. During Parents weekend, her mother met the mother of a senior who was president of the entire student body and was weighing various job offers. The two mothers were sharing stories about their daughter’s college experience when the mother of the senior shared an unexpected thought:

“I bet your daughter went to overnight summer camp.”

“She did, but what makes you say that?”

“I am not surprised. I have noticed that my daughter’s friends who had strong freshman years all went to overnight camp at some point. The ones that really struggled did not.”

The contrast of these two freshman experiences (our friends and Wendy’s) compelled me to think about why this might be true. Here is what I came up with.

Going to college presents many challenges, three of which jump out at me:

• Increased academic rigor (college work is simply harder than high school work)
• Being away from home and your traditional support system (family, friends, familiar places)
• Dealing with large amounts of uncertainty (what will classes require, how will I fit in socially, can I deal with this new roommate)

Of course, overnight camp does little to deal with the first challenge of academic rigor, but it helps substantially with both of the other challenges.

Camp helps students adjust to being away-from-home by giving them practice being away-from-home. Campers coming to camp (often as young as Kindergarten or 1st grade) get to experience being separated from home successfully. Certainly, most campers have some homesickness, but the supportive camp community and the fun activities help ease them through this initial challenge. Homesickness is natural. Children will miss their parents.

Further, we live in a society that sometimes suggests to children that they are only safe within eyeshot of their parents. Yet, we parents want our children to grow in confidence and independence so that they can live productive, fulfilling and joyous lives. Camp enables children to experience successful independence. Like college, they are away-from-home. Unlike college, they are in a community committed to their physical and emotional safety.

Camp also helps campers deal with uncertainty. The first week of camp is full of uncertainty: Who are these counselors? What are these traditions? Where do I go? Who will be my friends? Will I be successful? Just like college, there is schedule-related uncertainty (where to go and when) and social uncertainty (who, among this group of relative strangers, will be my friend).

The camper gets to experience overcoming this uncertainty. I like to think of it as strengthening the “resilience muscle.” Having done so, the next experience of uncertainty is easier to handle. The camper who comes to camp for several years gets multiple opportunities to strengthen his or her resilience muscle. By the time they go to college, they are much more confident and resilient.

So the former summer camper arriving at college as a Freshman can focus his or her energy on the challenges of academic rigor, but not worry about being away from home and the uncertainty of a new environment. Other students face all three challenges. Seen this way, it is not hard to understand how camp can help later with college.

Last summer, a long-time camp mom shared her thoughts about her oldest son going out-of-state to college. I asked her how she felt. “I’m going to miss him.”

“Are you worried about his first semester?”

“No way. He has already gone to camp for 9 years, so I know he will be fine. He is so excited to face this challenge. Camp has also helped me – I have had practice being separated from him. He is going to shine at school!”

Later that evening, my wife and I agreed on three things: First, this was one of the nicest endorsements of camp we had heard. Second, we are so happy to think that the campers who have become such an important part of our lives will have an advantage in college. Finally, the “Silver Fox,” once again, was right.

We are delighted to announce that the Geological Society of America has named Larry Davis as a Fellow of the society. Larry, who spends the off-season as Professor of Earth and Environmental Sciences at the University of New Haven, is in his 43rd year at Pemi where he serves as Director of Pemi’s renowned Nature Program.

The Geological Society of America (GSA) cited Larry for “distinguished contributions in building the public’s awareness of geology and its impacts on environmental problems; his extensive service to GSA’s Geology and Public Policy Committee, Northeastern Section, and to the Geology and Society Division; and his assistance to local government agencies in solving environmental problems.” The society has over 24,000 members worldwide. GSA members are elected to Fellowship in recognition of distinguished contributions to the geosciences, an honor that is bestowed on the best of the profession.

In recent years, as the citation notes, Larry has served on GSA’s Committee on Geology and Public Policy, which writes position papers for the organization. Of special note is his contribution to the position paper on climate change, one of the strongest statements of its kind from any geoscience society and which reflects the scientific consensus that has developed around this challenge. He also helped write position papers on several other topics including Land Use Management, Diversity in the Geosciences, and Natural Hazards. He is currently the vice-chair of the Society’s Division on Geology and Society and will become chair of this division in October, 2012. Larry also serves as the Chair of the Science Committee (the “Chief Scientist”) for the Northeastern Cave Conservancy.

Larry has long advocated for summer camps as ideal venues in which to promote true outdoor education and stewardship of the environment. A member of the Children and Nature Task Force of the American Camp Association (ACA), Larry will chair a panel on Models for Nature Programs at Camp and More: In Summer and After School; Rural and Urban Settings, part of the “conference within the conference” on Children and Nature at the American Camp Association national meeting in Atlanta this February. Participants also include Pemi’s Associate Director of Nature, Deb Kure, representing Campfire International.

Most recently, Larry was invited to apply for participation in a National Science Foundation sponsored workshop/conference at the Smithsonian’s Natural History Museum in February. Limited to 100 participants, the conference is entitled 21st Century Learning in Natural History Settings: A Conference to Initiate Research-Driven Innovation in Informal Natural History Learning. At Larry’ suggestion, conference organizers have also invited Pemi counselor, Conner Scace, to apply. Conner is planning a career as an environmental educator.

Please join us in congratulating Larry, not only on this significant honor of having been elected as Fellow of the Geological Society of America, but for a lifetime of sharing his expertise and passion with others, especially the campers and staff at Camp Pemigewassett.

Photo © Jim Mauchly

New this year: Order cabin photos, the all-camp photo, and the staff photo directly from Mountain Graphics Photography.

No more photos stuffed into duffles and coming out crumpled at the end of camp! We now direct you straight to the web site of professional photographer and longtime Pemi friend, Jim Mauchly of Mountain Graphics Photography. Jim has been photographing Pemi’s cabin and group shots for 23 consecutive years, since 1988.

Order your 5×7 cabin photo, 11×14 all-camp photo, and 8×10 staff photo online by clicking on the link above.

Enter: Event Name: pemi / Password: pemi (case sensitive)

Order online by 7/18 to receive discounted pricing (plus shipping).
Orders will arrive by the end of July/early August:

• 5×7 cabin photo: $4.00
• 8×10 staff photo: $6.00
• 11×14 all-camp photo: $9.00

After 7/18, photo prices (plus shipping):

• 5×7 cabin photo: $8.00
• 8×10 staff photo: $12.00
• 11×14 all-camp photo: $18.00

Pemi parents “in the know” will visit Jim’s studio, photo gallery, and custom frame shop in nearby Fairlee, Vermont when they are near Pemi. Consider visiting his online galleries of stunning landscapes and wildlife when you’re looking at the cabin photos, and stop by in person when you’re in town. In addition to the annual group shots, Jim also has photographed Pemi’s Gilbert and Sullivan production a number of times, as well as various sporting events. He was on hand at Pemi’s 100th celebration to record the events and has created aerial images of camp. In 1999, while living in Colorado, Jim actually flew back for the specific purpose of shooting cabin photos! To read about Jim’s professional background, click here.

“What is the best age to start camp?” asked a prospective camper’s mom yesterday. It’s a great question, and given that it was asked in three phone conversations this past week alone, seems to call for some conventional wisdom offered to a broader audience.

As a simple but dependable guideline, a child is usually ready for overnight camp when he can successfully spend one night away from home with a buddy. On average, sleepovers start at age 8 or 9, as the social skills and independence that emerge in 1st and 2nd grade provide him with the confidence to spread his wings. For some, this might not happen until age 11 or 12 or later, but the bottom line is that one productive night away from home sets the stage not just for surviving but, in fact, for thriving in a 3.5 and, yes, even 7-week session. This “rule of thumb” (and over 100 years of institutional experience) often serves as an eye-opening, if not comforting, benchmark for parents who might otherwise assume their children are too young for sleep-away camp, and for boys who aren’t sure if they’ll be able to manage.

You may experience a major disconnect between your head and your heart before your child goes to camp for the first time. We know that we want our children to be happy and not sad; to be successful and strong; to say and do the right things so they will make friends; to be comfortable in their own skin as well as respect the uniqueness of others. We reason that if we keep him by our side, provide the answers, and safely pave each step of the way, we can be pretty sure he’ll land where we want. But what happens beyond that landing pad? Ultimately, he’ll struggle both academically and socially if his “inner compass” for solving problems, making decisions, and establishing relationships—all necessary skills for a successful and satisfying life—has never been activated. You certainly don’t want that to occur at the college gate. Letting go can feel like cutting off your right arm, especially when there is the potential for your child to experience homesickness or uncertainty, or make a mistake, or not eat because he is a picky eater. You might intellectually recognize that your son will benefit from (not to mention enjoy!) an experience away from home, but, boy, the parental heart pounds at the very idea of letting him go.

“Independence Education” follows a learning curve similar to math, or reading, or sports. A teen or young adult doesn’t understand calculus, or write a cohesive term paper, or consistently throw strikes without having acquired essential building blocks along the way. Similarly, a teen or young adult doesn’t wake up confident, independent, and eager to try new things on a specific birthday. So how does he get there? When adults offer appropriate doses of independence at appropriate times, and have the courage to say, “Go for it. I know you can do it.” Certainly there are many ways to offer such opportunities to your child. Excellent summer camps, however, were established to partner with parents in this very mission.

If you do determine that this summer is the time for sleep-away camp, it is totally natural for both your son and you to be nervous… and even more so as summer approaches. For better or worse, know that it will be harder on you than on him. While you’re at home “letting go,” he’ll settle in and, under the guidance of supportive and caring staff, be doing all the things you hope for: making new friends, trying new activities, living in a gorgeous and healthy place. And if he feels homesick—which most everyone, regardless of age, experiences in an unfamiliar setting—your heart might ache but your head will know that overcoming homesickness will launch him to the next stage of independence, giving him the confidence to embrace further adventures, knowing that if he’s done it once, he can do it again.

Believe it or not, camp sessions fly by. And once you have him back home and listen to his stories, hear him sing the camp songs, and sense his pride in all he has done and accomplished, you’ll know in your head and your heart that you’ve given your child a wonderful gift.

-Dottie Reed, Head Administrator, Camp Pemigewassett

(Great thanks to Ned Whitman, Pemi camper of eight years, who happened to Skype me while this article was taking shape. In the midst of a gap year before heading to Harvard, Ned was in Laos, on his way to Cambodia and then New Zealand. We “chatted” about what he was doing, the new cultures he was experiencing, and the life skills that he gained through his summers at camp, starting at age 8. A few of his astute comments made their way into this article.)

First and Second Sessions at Pemi provide a full experience within each three-and-a-half-week timeframe. However, events and opportunities differ with each session, whether they are First Session’s extra week of instructional occupations, 4th of July festivities, and Birthday Banquet, or Second Session’s Tecumseh Day, special trips, and Pemi Week, and it is luck of the draw as to when our Visiting Professionals are with us. About half of the boys each summer (around 85, ages eight through fifteen) are at Pemi for full season, joined by 85 in First Session and 85 boys in Second Session. Full Session boys enjoy all that Pemi offers, and rarely does a boy choose to scale back to a half season after experiencing Full Session. However, many campers happily return year after year for either first or second session out of preference, or because school, family, travel, and/or finances make it impossible to do Full Session. The three-and-a-half-week session is a solid camp experience and boys who have acclimated to camp routines are able to take advantage of every minute.

That being said, as with a college year abroad versus a half year abroad, there is no doubt that Full Session allows boys—who by the fourth week have fully settled into Pemi and feel comfortable with routines and friendships—to step further out of their comfort zones to try more new things and/or to refine expertise in a given area. It is this combination of confidence and extra time that leads to further development in an almost magical, exponential way. For this reason, we strongly suggest that a family consider a full season, if schedule and finances allow.

When comparing Pemi’s tuition for First/Second Session and Full Session to other camps, Pemi ranks as one of the more affordable sleep-away boys camps in New England, with a fee structure that encourages the full-session experience. The Board of Directors has made every effort to keep tuition increases manageable over the years (actually keeping tuition level from 2011-12 and from 2009-10 in light of challenging economic times for many families). In keeping with our over-riding educational mission, Pemi is not “bottom line” driven in tuition policy, as for each Full Season camper we enroll in 2012, we will essentially reduce income by $2400 over enrolling a first and a second session camper to fill that one bed.

Pemi’s educational mission is to help boys develop into good citizens, in partnership with parents. We like to think we do so by providing excellent mentoring and instruction, with the hope that campers will return for several summers, each summer building upon past accomplishments, whether that is for seven weeks or three-and-a-half.

-Dottie Reed